change.

I am about to whine. I am giving you a heads up, so brace yourselves.

I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like I'm stuck in this freaking bubble and I cant get out. I'm suffocating, I cant breathe. I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like not me. Am I losing my mind? Have I lost my mind? or worse, have I lost myself?

 I know myself pretty good. I think I know most parts me. I think. I am this bubbly, outgoing, spontaneous girl who loves to eat, read and go out. I hate the heat and the rain, sometimes. I enjoy being alone in my nook while reading or just people watching. I like putting out my outfits before I try them on. I love putting make up on even if I'm just going to stay home and watch crappy TV. I love sports. I used to go and play badminton every other week with my family. I used to go and see and enjoy movies. I used to ENJOY. I used to do a lot of things. I used to do a lot of fun things. I used to. Before. I haven't lost the eating part but the other parts me that I know off are gone. I don't know what happened.

Things change. Everything change. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE.

I don't know if this change in me is doing me good. I hope so.

I need to loose weight.

I have been struggling with my weight since I can remember. Back when I was 7 years old, my body weight was normal. No muffin top, no big hips and no man arms. I gained weight when puberty hits. Grrrrr!!! When I was in high school when I checked my BMI (Body Mass Index) my weight was proportional to my height, when I became a college student, oh boy all hell broke loose! I gained 20 lbs in within a year. Yes you read that right 20 lbs! So I joined a gym. Mostly I do Aero and Taebo. And then I transferred school, I gained all of it in just a year. So I said to myself, I need to loose at least 15-20 lbs before I graduate. And boy, I committed myself to it. No midnight snacks, no ice creams and no rice for six very very long months. Do you know hard it is to resist all those yummy yummy yummy food? IT WAS FREAKING HARD! But the result was fantastic. I lost 16 lbs in 6 long months. And then I worked. No time. Yeah I know, I used every excuse in the book. But now I am starting to work out again. Hopefully this eight week program of Fitness Blender will help me shed some (many) unwanted fats. I love this e-book. because its a structured plan for everyday. It also have tips for eating healthy. Today is day one. I just finished the grueling 40 mins of working out. Up until now, I can feel my muscles shaking. Its been a while since I had a serious work out. I am hopeful that this will help me get fit and healthy. Keeps your fingers crossed for me. 

Passport.

I have this dream of travelling around the world. I want to see different places, experience their lifestyle and try their food. I know my this dream of mine is very hard to achieve because travelling is not cheap. its is not only cheap, it costs you time and effort to complete all the paperwork. You have to get your visa, you have to get vaccines, prepare necessary documents, go to embassies and other important stuffs. I know that there are many travelling agencies that help you get through all of this but still IT IS A PAIN IN THE BUTT! It is very exciting but a pain in the butt. I know this because my Aunt Helen do this all the time. I have seen her papers and there are lots of them. She has been travelling since I was seven and she still do it up to know. And I know he'll do it until she can. She works hard and earn herself a reward. A pricey reward. I may have not experience to travel that requires all of that but someday I will. When I have time and money. 

I can say that I am very lucky I have Aunts who let me tag along with them when they travel. I am very lucky because at the age of twenty four I have seen and experience four different countries. I have been to Thailand, Hong Kong, Macau and Singapore. I have tried everything when I went there. I even ate a few fried bugs in Thailand. I tried exciting and thrilling rides in Hong Kong and Singapore. I have gambled in casinos and won 20 pataca. I have experience 8 degrees of cold and super dry skin because of the cold. I have worn high heeled boots and walked 10 hours for five days. I have. And I will continue to dream to go different countries as much as I can or as much as my wallet can afford. 

I have this dream and I will try my very best to continue and fulfill it. I will. Someday. 

am i a neat freak?

I like things being neat, somewhat organised but neat. I don't like things dirty especially the bathroom and the kitchen. Maybe I got it from my Grandma. She's kind of  neat freak, not kind of really. She's really a neat freak. She'd get pissed when our sink has dirty dishes. Even if its just a single glass she'd yell something like "Kakalinis ko lang meron nanamang nakatambak!" She'd even wash my clothes after I bathe. Yeah, now I can say I got it from her. I'd get mad too if I just cleaned something and someones gonna put dirty dishes on it. AND LEAVE IT THERE FOR HOURS! Argh! Its so annoying! I don't know what's wrong with cleaning it after you use it? Is it against the law to clean? Oh my God! I am so annoyed right now! And I hate seeing bugs, specially ANTS! Maybe that's why I get mad. I REALLY HATE CREEPY CRAWLERS. I get pissed off seeing them crawling in my neat counter top. Yeah, I AM A NEAT FREAK TOO.

Back then, I wasn't like this. I'd just throw it in the wash bin or the sink. I'd just let my Grandma clean it for me. A lot of friends can prove that I don't clean my room everyday. I do it every Saturday or Sunday IF I HAVE TIME. Or if I can find someone to help me. haha. But now that I live in here. No one is gonna do it for me. I get mad. Pissed. Sound hypocritical right? Oh The hell I care. I'm really really really pissed off! I like to clean my own mess not somebody else's. (TAMA BA?)

I know how hard it is to maintain a clean organised room. Mine stays clean for about two days, four days tops! Haha. All I'm asking is a little help. NAKIKITA MO NGA NA MADUMI EH DINADAAAN DAAN MO PA!" I'm not asking you to do everything. All I'm asking is, HELP ME OUT! Wash the freaking dishes from time to time. Do it even if I didn't ask you to do it. MAGKUSA KA NAMAN!!!!

My curiosity led me to a book.

Do you like to read? Back when I was in high school  you can't see me holding a book or reading unless we have a homework or unless I really have to study. I wasn't into reading books, novels even comics. I don't even read our school paper unless our teachers asks us to. I was not into books, period. Until I met this girl named, April. 

She introduced me to books and our school paper (haha). Thanks to her I met J.K. Rowling, Sydney Sheldon, John Grisham, Mitch Albom, Nicolas Sparks, Paolo Coelho and Anne Rice, to name a few. I didn't know any of them, not until I met her. She was so excited when she talks about novels, especially when she talks about her literary hero, Sydney Sheldon. I was so intrigued and curious. I didn't get it. I didn't understand why a book with no pictures excites her. She said your imagination runs when you read. What's in my head when she said that? Nothing. I still didn't understand. 

After a few days, I have a few extra cash and bought myself my first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. There was this Harry Potter hype back then. I hurried home and opened the book. I said to myself, "What did I get myself into?" "I'm not the reading kind of girl, I'm into music and drawing." I let go of the book and grabbed my guitar and practiced a few notes. And then I thought I have spent my allowance, might as well read it. I grabbed the book and read. I think I read for hours. I didn't notice time was passing. I was so into the story that I didn't let go of it until I had to pee. Haha. I was so into it that I see myself inside the story, watching at/by (dunno which is correct)  the sidelines. I see it when I read. I feel like I am a part of it. I cry, I laugh, I feel anger, I feel sad. After that first book. I begged my Aunt to buy me the next one since I spent my allowance in a hardbound Harry Potter book. I didn't even know that there was paperback books. Silly me. 

Now I know why people are addicted to books. I know what's the hype is all about. I know why she was excited when she talks about it. Now I understand. Now I get it. And now I'm as addicted to it as her. Thanks to her I met a side of me I didn't knew existed. Back then I use my imagination for boys, daydreaming. LOL.